The draft posted yesterday is a two-dimensional wash. It’s hard to figure out what I’m saying, in places, and the setting doesn’t establish itself quick enough, or at all. Can you see the church meeting I envisioned, a church of vegetarian atheists, Liberals with a capital L, who rotate pasteurs every month?
Not well enough, if at all. Helen, whoever she is, is distracting, and she doesn’t do anything later, so she’s dead. Bye helen.
And now that I know where the preacher is going, I’ll tease it out, get the maximum punch from that first surprise, and build a little cheap suspense.
Also note that it’s written as a transcript, like a radio play. It’s just one voice until, Dave speaks up. I’ve painted myself into a corner; wrapped myself in a limitation, because now I can’t describe the room for you, or what’s happening that Dwight doesn’t comment about; but even if I could, the story would be essentially the same, just less imaginative.
Here’s the new beginning.
Okay folks, settle down, if you will.
... Please …
... Yes, I’d like to call to session …
... would you mind? Please, if you wcould all quiet down … sit …
... great. Thanks.
I�m sure as you’re all aware, it’s 11:12 already. The pot luck will get started fast enough. And let me first say that the vegetarian salmon platter looks real tempting. But anyway. If you’ll all just give me ten minutes of your time, I’ll sprint through my little prepared sermon so we can start eating.
So in case some of you don’t know, my name’s, uh, Dwight Little, and I am currently serving as this month’s acting elected Pasteur pesiding, of this, our church, and with your patience, I’d like to say just a few words.
And what, you’re asking, is this week’s topic?
Is it How Mr. Bicycle Defeated the Smog SUV Monster, Part II? or More Stance on Tolerance? No. With Dwight Little, you get a fresh topic every week, for a well-round worldview, so this week, I’d like to donate some serious thought to our rival.
Our rival, you ask? Who is it? Satan? Boredom? Death? Who are we opposed to? Do we have to oppose anything? Why would someone hate us? We don’t hate them. Well, I say that even when we don’t know it, we hate something. We have to hate something. Yes we do, for without an enemy, we are nothing but lazy junkfood eating nincomepoops. But I don’t want to start calling names. Brothers and sisters, children and parents, I’m here to tell you that we do have that enemey, and I, as your servant, do stand before you afraid but undeterred and dare to say the name of that Great Evil which threatens us each and every night, an evil which lingers by our front doors in the morning, to steal our newspaper or rummage through the credit card applications we throw away, a faceless, soulless parasitic blasephemy, an alcoholic, baby-eating ghoul. a smelly, illiterate cousin we don’t want to help. Citizens of the world, I stand here before you with holiness behind me lending me the strength call ‘em as I see ‘em, and to once and for all say the name of our enemey.
Our enemy is the Church of The National Brand.