I’m a big fan of the activity partners section on Craig’s List. In the Bay Area, people don’t physically rub shoulders like the quick-walking denizens of New York or Taipei, so email and websites are vital social facilitators, in many cases the only way people find each other. Since moving here in November, friendless yet eager to socialize, Craig’s List has been my constant nightlight of hope for a better social life tomorrow.
But it’s also a window onto the community, a summary/sampling of what people are yearning for, anonymously. So I read it for entertainment and education, fancying myself an amateur socialogist of sorts …
Which was why one particular posting, several weeks ago, caught my eye:
Date: 2003-08-05, 2:50PM
OK, you might think this is a weird post, but here goes:
This is what I need right now to help me move forward, as I am currently stuck and it’s quite hellish:
Someone with a heart, down-to-earth, not judgemental, but honest (who won’t sugar-coat their opinions) and a good listener. Prefer a therapist, minister or rabbi.
YES, I already have a therapist, but I’m looking for a less formal experience, where I might benefit from just the human interaction minus the red tape of … like … 50 minute sessions of blah blah blah blah blah where therapists have to be ultra-politically correct in order not get in trouble with their licensing, or whatever kind of shit … and therefore, they sit there and just go “uh huh, uh huh, uh huh …” with a kind smile. I NEED SOMETHING LESS FLAKY AND MORE REAL.
WHAT’S IN IT FOR YOU:
- I can’t pay you, but I can offer a work exchange/provide help to you in other areas to compensate for your time and help.
- You get to opine to someone about their life who’s asking for it!!!
(Some people really dig doing that … hey, maybe you’re one of them!! ... as long as it’s coming from a good place and you’re not some sadist who’s into hurting people’s feelings for the sheer thrill or to help you work through your own shit) ...
ISSUES: Getting life started again and having no courage, having too much anger and grief to function.
Sound like fun? :)
Ok, maybe it’s not but I’ve gotta think there’s someone out there who’d like to help – and I’m positive that I could help you in some area as well.
SERIOUS RELIES ONLY. NO SEXUAL EXCHANGES – I WILL NOT CONSIDER THIS A SERIOUS REPLY.
Thank you to those who have taken the time to read this :)
I wanted to do this, to listen and provide feedback. It actually did sound like fun. To be an amateur, unlicensed and thoroughly unskilled therapist for a day or two.
I’d just finished reading Johnathan Franzen’s The Corrections, my favorite novel ever, and was feeling particularly tuned to our inner turmoils, aware that all of us can be petty, or depraved, or depressed, that even ‘lucky people’ battle personal demons. And here, a real live person was offering to share their self-pity with me.
But I wanted to be sure my motives were clear. ‘NO SEXUAL EXCHANGES!’ This cry for help was tempting in an unclean way, because the writer seemed to be a young woman (my instincts told me). So I asked myself – ‘If it’s a fifty-year-old bachelor who’s had a slight stroke and lost his job, will I still be interested?’. My answer was yes.
So I wrote the following:
I’d be interested in this, for my own selfish reasons. In fact, I don’t even care about your age/sex.
I could probably give pretty honest feedback/opinions, if you really want to hear them.
Here’s the deal, if you want to do this …
Don’t tell me too much about yourself. At least to start out. The real thrill would be in the honesty, and anonymity probably helps that along.
I don’t have a car, and live in SF. My schedule’s already pretty full, so we’d have to meet up somewhere near N. Beach. Someplace relatively public, in case you turn out to be a nut or something.
LMK
Trevor
The response I received the next day was a shocker. It’s on the next page…
So a day or two later, I get the following response:
Were she saying this to my face – let’s say at a party – I’d stand there stupidly, mouth open, and maybe even apologize. And would feel shame at my own lack of compassion, at my selfishness and nut-bagginess. I wouldn’t think of a good, smart response until a few hours later, when it would be too late.
But emails are different.
Too late. You already did.
Face!!!! In the Minnesota, we call that a “zinger” or “a burn.” “Stymie on you.” Witness the fully realized potential of Craig’s List, bringing people together.
But this attention-starved chick wouldn’t give up, even though clearly she was gonna lose this and all other battles, here, on my turf. A day later, she wrote:
Which opened up the door for what, I hoped, could become a “correspondence,” founded on hatred. Perhaps, I thought, this was what real therapists encountered all the time. So the subject line of my response was:
No!!! I get the last word
It took you over 24hrs to come up with a retort like THAT? This is fun. Here I am, writin’ back.
Of course, as your ad hoc therapist, I completely expected your initial hostility. Maybe I’m talking out my ass, but it seems like my role now is to let you vent your rage. Then, when you’re ready for the rebirth/breakthrough/crying fit, here I’ll be here, arms open.
Take care.
That was over two weeks ago. I’m still waiting, wherever you are; my arms are still open. Mr. Compassion, right here.